November 24, 2008
Is There an eHarmony for Church Goers?
May is on honeymoon but she’ll be back in December. In the meantime, please welcome the lovely Serenity of Serenity Now to Anne & May. She’s another one of those hilarious and multi-talented Nickerson girls, a fantastic mom, a fellow writer, a lover of Hollywood, and a wide-eyed observer of the big and beautiful world.
A new church just came to my town, and I’m trying to figure out if it’s The One - the one that will end my career. Because until recently, I’ve really considered becoming a professional church hopper.
I’ve technically been doing it for over three years now, although not really on purpose. Several different circumstances kept us from settling down before now. But I think it’s time. I almost feel excited at the prospect.
I’ve asked a few people how you choose. And I’ve used the phrase, “There’s no New Testament precedent for choosing a church” way too many times for it to actually mean anything anymore. You get it, though, right? It was just the “church in Galatia” back then. Your denomination was your city. Most people in my life feel that you just kind of know or that you are actually called to a certain church. But for three years, I didn’t feel called to any of them. So I’m wondering if I don’t believe that anymore. Pastors come and go. Congregations come and go. What is it that you are actually called to?
It might not be these questions at all, though, that are stopping me. After all, I do have opinions about preaching and music styles. I know whether I prefer blue jeans and padded chairs or dresses and pews. I think it’s something else. I think it’s the thrill I get from seeing strangers partake of the bread and the cup. (If you’re a professional church hopper, they’re always strangers.) The swell I feel to see so many different kinds of people coming together over the one thing we can all agree on. I love that feeling. It’s like a weekly “Hey, me too!” And I don’t want to give it up.
Not having a church has removed a lot of walls I used to find between myself and others. Christians don’t think of me as a Pentecostal, a dunker or a sprinkler, too seeker-friendly, too isolated. I’m just a fellow believer (who has kind of lost her way to not have a church home - but still). I feel less of a wall with the non-church goers as well. I feel like not having a church solidifies the fact that I’m on a journey – just like anyone else. Anyone can see I have not arrived at the end simply because I believe.
I saw a funny t-shirt once that said “Go local sports team or college!” It suited me because I just kind of go with the flow when it comes to sports. I’m glad they’re out there, but – you know. And right now I feel I wear a t-shirt like that for Christianity. Every Christian I meet feels I may as well be one of them since I don’t yet belong to anyone else. I think I’m afraid that if I settle down, I’ll lose that connection. I’ll lose the “Hey, me too” and replace it with, “But we do it this way.” I know I can’t visit forever. I can basically feel the need to choose.
But I’m really going to miss the hopping.
–Serenity
“I feel less of a wall with the non-church goers as well.”
I really like this statement. I have never thought of being a church hopper like this. You brought a new way of living to my eyes. Thanks for the post.
Kelly and I have just recently (in August…?) landed on a church after more than two years of looking around for one here in Missoula. It’s the first place in which we feel seen and acknowledged as something other than two more among a larger number. Some of the churches we’ve been to disgusted us (there was the one where the pastor made three jokes about homosexuals during a sermon that last rambled incoherently on for 90 minutes), others baffled us (i.e. churches having no concept whatsoever of mission work within one’s own town), others offended us (one UCC church that had a lot going for it, but featured a guest sermon one morning in which Evangelicals were target practice, the guest pastor making fun of them, the congregation laughing at them). But this place, Holy Spirit Episcopal Parish, has been extraordinary thus far and in a whole variety of ways…
I felt like a church hopper last year. The church that was my home, that I yearned for in 1999, when I married my husband, suddenly no longer met my needs or my kids needs. The multi-million dollar (over $9 mil) children’s ministry couldn’t manage to provide basic care for my infant. The pastor was more concerned about teaching a theology class each week than meeting his flock where they were and speaking to the needs of the people. The only reason I showed my face maybe once a month was because my husband was on staff there.
We started visiting other churches for my husband’s job - so he could see what others were doing with technology in our city and bring it back to our home church. But I fell in love with another church. We attended our local LifeChurch.tv campus on Saturday evenings. They didn’t have the wonderful children’s facility ours did, but they genuinely loved my kids and I knew my kids were safe there. I was able to focus on the message and not worry about my child. And the message hit home every week!! I was challenged every week. And on Friday, I could still tell you what the sermon was, because I’d been working on it in my life.
When we interviewed for this new job in a new city, I had to know I would love the church and the message and the people. And I do. The kids love their children’s church and it is obvious the workers take great care of my children. I am challenged by the weekly sermon that speaks to living out the Christian walk in a practical manner.
I wish you well on your hunt. While online pastors don’t take the place of a church body, I really got into http://www.lifechurch.tv for the sermons.
Simone, I saw one of those sermons at a church we visited this summer, and I loved it. It was about the Church (universal) being one and focusing on what unites us rather than what divides. It was right in line with my heart these days, plus I felt I was seeing it walked out in front of me since the local pastor was willing to give another church and another speaker the platform four Sundays in a row (it was a series).
Thanks for the comments everyone and the good thoughts. Special thanks to May too for the sweet intro. I love being a guest here!
Great job making “dating the Church” look good! : ) You know I’m kidding. I really do love this concept.
Great post!
I think we so need more of “Hey, me too!” rather than “But we do it this way.” I love my church but sometimes feel the need to take a little working sabbatical, to watch and learn from other people and places.
Serenity, just yesterday I was whining to my husband that there are no good churches. At least, none close enough that I could actually go there all the time. When we left our church a few years ago, we kind of started going to another one, but have enough issues with its theology that we knew we weren’t going to join it. We’ve been going anyway for the people, but just this week I admitted I don’t really love the people all that much anyway, aside from a few notable exceptions, so we don’t know what we’re going to do now. Shop around I guess. Wish for a church dating service. Anyway, I really appreciated this post!